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Posts Tagged ‘marriage’

One tiny section of my bookshelves

I found the poem below on quite a few different blogs and thought I would repost because I loved it (although I don’t think it’s nice to lie or fail someone). It truly describes me as a reader (and quite a number of other women from the numbers who have also posted it). But I wanted to add my “I’ve been married for 14 years” advice to those single young bookish women out there. I included my advice after the poem.

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent.  Ask her if she loves Alice or if she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.”

“Date A Girl Who Reads” by Rosemarie Urquico

Marry a man who loves to read! You’ll curl up in bed next to one another every night, snuggled under the covers, noses in books. You’ll make trips to the bookstore and library together. You’ll share books you’ve enjoyed – Honey, I just finished this and you need to read it. Your home will feel cozier with the bookshelves filled to the brim (and piles next to the bed).  And if your husband truly understands your book obsession he might include a two day visit to Prince Edward Island during your honeymoon in order to visit L.M. Montgomery’s Green Gables and other sights found in the Anne books (well, at least that’s what my book loving husband did).



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Even keeled

My husband and I went sailing last week. We hadn’t sailed alone together in over 12 years. The boat was to come out of the water the next day and the wind was calling him. A perfect day for a sail – the sun was warm and the breeze was cool. Delightful.

Charlie was wondering if he could ready the boat and sail it all by himself and I was happy to read my book while he did. The engine wasn’t working so we took off under sail. We quickly zipped through the harbor, checking out the other boats nearby. We passed by Brant Point, waving to the boys as they fished for scup.


We had a good strong wind that day with serious gusts at times. We would heel so far over I was sure that we would capsize. Physically uncomfortable in the heeling boat – either too high in the air or way too close to the water – my nerves and anxiety sent out huge warning signals to me. In my head I heard DANGER WILL ROBINSON! but I did not say anything to Charlie. And then just when I was convinced we had no where to go but over, my husband released the sheets adjusting the mainsail. We were balanced again.

My husband has been sailing for most of his life.  I trust his knowledge and experience. I trust him to keep me safe. Rationally I know he will not capsize the boat even when my fear is overwhelming me – all will be well in a few seconds. I know we are fine because even though I am outside of my comfort zone and freaking out in my head, Charlie is as cool as a cucumber.

Despite the gusty winds that terrified me, Charlie always had complete control of the boat. He sails with the precision and synchronicity of Fred effortlessly gliding Ginger across the ballroom floor. With tiller in hand, he watches the wind in the sails making precise adjustments exactly when needed – his joy is almost palpable.

As we brought the boat back to the mooring I was exhilarated. It had been a spectacular day of sailing – gorgeous weather, time alone with my husband, a tiny bit of adventure, and most importantly I had grown a little braver. I can be a timid creature of habit who doesn’t often venture beyond my comfort zones. Fortunately, I married a man who gently nudges me to places of discomfort and then brings me back to an even keel.

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